Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Handkerchiefs! YES.


Handkerchiefs in one form or another have been around for centuries. From elaborately and expensively embroidered ones of the Renaissance era, to simple white squares of more modern times, they were ubiquitous to stuffy noses before the advent of the disposable tissue. Paper tissues offer convenience to the user, as they can simply be thrown away, but really, they have no class. We're all about class here at Kissing Commas, and I wish to make you all classier individuals by focusing this week's post on the tried, true, and tasteful handkerchief.

For me, handkerchiefs have two very excellent benefits. One, they are deliciously Steampunk. Steampunk is a fashion movement, artistic and social sensibility, and lifestyle that glorifies the styles and technologies of the Victorian era with a modern, high-tech approach. My vocabulary is too woefully equipped to give the movement justice, and so I offer a few links to peruse: Wikipedia and The Ether Emporium. My point here is that handkerchiefs were carried by everyone in the Victorian era, regardless of class, and are infinitely customizable. They are an easy accessory, both decorative and utilitarian. They fit any Steampunk attire and persona perfectly. I started carrying hankies for this reason, and if you have a Steampunk inclination, I suggest you try it!

The second benefit ties more into modern sensibilities: handkerchiefs are both economical and green. Handkerchiefs are laundered, not thrown out – they are larger than tissues and thus can survive many more nose-blowings. They are cheap – they can be bought in packets of several for a reasonable price or made at home easily with scrap fabric. Some of you may protests that handkerchiefs are “icky” because they are used more than once. Dude, it's your own snot. It won't kill you. Due to the size of handkerchiefs, you aren't even forced to use the same portion more than once. If you make more than one hanky, you can have one per day and further cut down on the perceived ickyness. We also tend to forget how disgusting a wastepaper basket is when it's filled to the brim with discarded tissues. I sure hope your mama's not emptying it. Tissues cannot be recycled (believe me, I've fought with Municiple Services over this one), and with the paper snot rags and packaging they come in combined, they take up a lot of landfill space. Help Mama Earth and use a hanky for christ's sake.

There's a final reason that handkerchiefs are, like, totally fabulous, and that of course is the aforementioned classiness of them. Gentlemen, how amazing will you be in the eyes of the ladies and gents you are wooing if you bust out a hanky and offer it to him or her when they have a stuffy nose. You will be da man. Duh, man. In fact, ladies, why aren't you offering hankies chivalrously? This is the twenty-first century; woo some mofos, dammit! Handkerchiefs can be given away as tokens of affection, waved to departing sweeties who are off to fight for your country (or going to the grocery store, whatever), and tucked into pockets of suit jackets or other clothing pieces for a touch of awesome. You can sweep the dirt/water off a bench at the park for you honey, too! They're pretty badass. I guarantee you: for whatever reason you are carrying one, the hanky will up your awesome quotient by like a million. Like a million.

As I mentioned, handkerchiefs can be purchased for trifle. I've looked around and found: Wholesale Linens. They can also be found at antique shops and flea markets, but if it's a priceless antique or older than your grandma, don't blow your nose in it, please. There are a lot from the 30s onward floating around that are perfect for your boogers. You can also make you own. The easiest way is to cut a 12.5” x 12.5” piece of a light fabric (cotton, cotton blend, or linen) and fold the edges down one quarter inch on all sides. Iron the folds down, and hem with a sewing machine or by hand just above the raw edge. I've found that old t-shirts, like Hanes cotton shirts can be used to make a very serviceable hanky. Soft on the nosie! If you have a hankering (haha) for something more fancy, The Purl Bee has two great tutorials: Rolled Hem Handkerchiefs and Herringbone Handkerchiefs . Here's another tutorial, this one from Grosgrain Fabulous: Monogrammed Handkerchief. It also includes instructions for a hanky holder – nice! You can go wild if you're the flashy type by embroidering with fun colors, sewing on little swatches or ribbons, or bedazzling them. I totally bedazzle some of my hankies. Read up on all the great folding methods, slip to into your pocket or handbag, and get ready to be awesome.

You can thank me later.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Summer Reading: Or How to Stay Pale All Summer



Summer is here, apparently, and as the temperature rises, so does my boredom level. I start out each summer break with quite the joi de virve, excited at the prospect of no papers, exams, or long classes. Then as the season wears on, the very lack of the same begins to drive me mad. Am I really so nerdy and lame that I enjoy the papers, exams, and long classes? Yes, a little. Mostly it's the fact that I am occupied during the school year that keeps me happy.

I have decided that if I cannot pay academics to give me things to read and think about this summer (I suppose I could take a summer class, but this involves large sums of money) I can assign reading to myself! I am an academic after all, sort of. I could even pay myself to make me read, but that seems a little pointless. I have made up a list of things that I want to get read this summer, with explanations, below. Golly, I love commas.

I am rapidly approaching graduation, and my personal canon is seriously wanting. In the Fall semester I will be taking an Elizabethan/Jacobean drama class excluding Shakespeare. I have never taken any course in Billy Shakes, besides learning his sonnets, and have only read Romeo and Juliet - in high school. This is a problem! Especially because my “track” or specific course of study in English is Renaissance literature. I am determined to make up for this deficiency by reading:


-Hamlet*
-Othello
-A Midsummer Night's Dream
-Titus Adronicus

*I actually managed to read Hamlet already, and so I'm already on the ball. Gold star for me!


Apart from the Bard, I also wish to read some so-called “classics” that I have missed out on. I will be searching through reading lists in Renaissance literature (for obvious reasons) science fiction, and Victorian literature. Here's what I have so far:


-Jack of Newbury, Thomas Deloney*
-The Inferno, Dante Alighieri
-The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus, Christopher Marlowe
-Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Robert Loius Stevenson
-The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Alan Moore, Kevin O'Neill**
-Stardust, Neil Gamain

*This was assigned last semester by one of my professors. I did not read it, oops. I hope the poor professor whom I have slighted is not reading this, because I am VERY SORRY, YES INDEED. I am trying to make up for being a bum by reading it this summer.
**Yes, it's a comic. Shut up, it's literature.


You may be saying, well, what are you going to be reading for fun? Um, this is fun! I'm super duper excited about this list! I don't want to hear anything about these texts being boring because without Jack of Newbury, there would not be your goddamn Twilight! I don't expect to read every single book on the list, and I will not force myself to rush, as of course that will suck the enjoyment out of reading. That's kind of why reading for school gets us all constipated. I'm going to try to get a little Billy Shakes read first, and then move on from them. Hey, maybe there will even be a review or too! Done in iambic pentameter. No.

Feel free to post suggestions, comments, or opinions! And thank you for suffering through my sad descent into complete nerdiness.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Moment of Narcissism

In lieu of anything truly exciting to share this week (my life is always exciting, but whether you agree that my tales of English Club functions and television watching are fascinating for yourself is a different matter), I thought I'd share a piece of writing.

This is a little thing I wrote on my typewriter (yes); it hasn't been submitted anywhere, or is it likely to be. This means you can tell me what you truly think about it, but doesn't mean I'll be nice about criticism. I think. I'll probably be nice anyway.

Lady of the Rust Belt

Baby, we go cruisin',
five over the limit.
Flying the highway - revvin',
racing a setting sun that slides, sultry down
Detroit sky.
Motor City maidens, you and I.
I am the engine, you are the wheels.
Windows down, hand skipping the air, skiing the breeze.
Summer hair torrents 'round my face, sweet Motown melodies
ride the air.
I am the spirit of the interstate.
I am the Lady of the rust belt;
you are my silver steed.
We ride the night.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Six Sentences: 6SV2 Now Available!

Six Sentences: 6SV2 Now Available!

I say this not just because I'm in it, but because this is truly an awesome community, with a great assortment of ideas and styles, and well, YOU SHOULD READ IT, OK?!

I'm so excited, I needed an interrobang!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Number One

My first blog could simply be an introduction to myself. However, I think I have the burden of justification on my hands. One, because this is an admittedly narcissistic act and you probably want to know why I think I'm so interesting – and why you should give a shit. Secondly, because this blog will center around the academic pariah known as “English,” I feel an urge to explain to the masses, har har, why I feel the subject is worth discussing.


If you think English is an easy field, a frivolous field, or one that does not offer a future, we are going to have problems. English is not only the study of poetry written by dead guys, or correcting people's use of commas, it is the study of the English language in all its forms and aspects. There is not a single field English does not connect with. Written and spoken words convey history, motives, feelings, ideas. Mathematics majors who feel that I took the easy way out: Please try to convey your thoughts on your latest proof without any language. Go. All those weird symbols count as language, don't deny it. Examining a poem by a dead guy (or gal) gives us insight into the time it was written, their own philosophy, their life, education, and personality. The reason we go bananas over commas and other punctuation marks is that they create a rhythm in pieces that dictate how the piece is read. Yes, that's totally important:


And to you, dummies, and scholars, this is serious.


Take out the first comma. Do it. You're a dummy!


And to you dummies, and scholars, this is serious.


I came up with that myself. Where's my gold star?


It will take more to convince some of you cats, so I am letting it go for now. Moving on, let me give you an idea of what an English major can do besides teach. Apparently, everyone but I got a memo stating that was all we were good for. Teaching is great, but here's a few more ideas:


  • Editor
  • Writer: Novelist, Short Fiction, Poetry (Sometimes it DOES pay!)
  • Lecturer, Orator
  • Performing Artist
  • Journalist
  • Freelancer
  • Scholar/Academic
  • Book Critic
  • Publishing
  • Business
  • Book seller
  • TV/Movie Writer
  • Comedian
  • Tutor

In fact, this list could go on forever, because there are hundreds of jobs that do not require this degree, but could benefit greatly. This includes anything from store clerk to politician. A well-versed English major is a well-versed communicator. Deny the need to speak and write well all you want, but no one wants to look like an ignorant douche on a cover letter, business proposal, or job interview. Learning to understand, interpret, and create writing is how this ability is fostered.


As for myself, I am of course and English major. I earned my Associates first at a community college and now attend the University of Michigan-Dearborn. My main interest is in science fiction and Victorian literature, which is ridiculously odd. I live with it. I am an Editor for the school's literary and fine arts journal, which means absolutely nothing, except good times and drama over commas. See, I'm a poet also.


I have Celiac disease, and health problems because of it. Acquiring my Bachelors will take time because of this (I'm almost on year six, and still a Junior), as will being healthy enough to work and make cash money to pay my bills. I write and try to sell works, but that doesn't always pan out. The goal of this blog stems from that. I want to document my academic and creative life, practice and share writing and anything else creative I can pull from my patootie (what?), and interact more with the world at large, maybe if I'm lucky, even network. I have no grand scheme, because I suspect few will read this. Ostensibly because I will be posting no nudies, but perhaps more likely because like selling a story, selling a blog is difficult. I'm jumping in anyway.


This has been long and boring enough, so get out of my face. With love.